Guiding Light 06-22-09 'Stachey Recaps

Guiding Light June 22nd 2009

This is a recap consisting of a) scenes that amused me b) Shayne and Dinah scenes and c) Olivia and Natalia scenes. Behold my preferences may they be loved.

We open with Dinah deciding that she needs to recap the entire plot for the past three to six months of the going-ons around her, Shayne, Mallet, Marina, and Edmund with a little bit of baby Henry smeared in for good measure. While I enjoy soap operas rehashing what took an eon to build up only gives your actors long beleaguered speeches that hit or miss.



While I adore Gina Tognoni’s talent and vocal skills I’m not sure why they are wasting her on this, but she is in uniform so I will stop complaining… for now.

As Dinah mentions the music box that she got for Shayne and Henry (meddling much Dinah?) She laments that Shayne’s life is falling apart. Too bad you’re not there to keep his wits about him huh, Dinah, dear?

We skip to Shayne for a mere moment as I deduce these things. Jeff Branson is in a bed and alone with a music box; how can I get there?

~~~

Daisy and Frank have a cute little scene that reminds me of Who’s on First it’s just filled up instead with ‘Where’s Rafe?’ and ‘Where’s Jeffery?’

Frank gives us a lovely recap in guise of filling in Daisy of what is going on in the Jeffery flying the coup storyline. Maybe Frank and Dinah can get together and tell each other stories all night long.

Daisy says that Reva has to be off the hook because they can’t say that Jeffery AND Reva both murdered Edmund. Actually Daisy you can… but with the type of cops you’re related to I can understand why you’d be so confused.

She’s so confused, in fact, that she knocks over a prop and makes my day as I giggle at her deciding if she will right it or if she will just let it stay. It’s like I’m watching a play and I love live theatre.

Frank asks about Rafe again and Daisy does let him know that like any well-meaning teenager she texted him Happy Birthday. When Frank says that he had a bad day; Daisy brings out the big guns and says she’ll actually call him. With my complete hate of using my phone for actual speaking I really respect what this means from Daisy. Use that pretty iPhone Daisy. Use it.

~~~

In the Farmhouse kitchen we are entering into a cake staring contest. Just when it seems that Emma’s winning. She goes in for a taste, because she can’t wait to sample what she’s been wanting when it’s right in front of her just aching to be eaten, unlike her mother.



In other news look at that strategic use of a flowerpot to halfway try to participate in the hide the baby game.

Natalia waxes poetic about how Rafe would want you to eat this cake. You hear that girls? Rafe wants you to dig into that cake and savor every bit of it.


As Olivia and Natalia start to light the candles, we can see who out of the two actresses has dealt with the birthday cake candle lighting before. Either that or Jessica Leccia just wants a nap; I’m pretty sure I’d want to nap too after being eleventy-seven months pregnant.

They allow Emma to blow the candles out and she seems to be afraid that she’ll do a Sneezer all over the cake that she lets out the weakest blow ever. In fact, I think she sucked in air.

So, she gets Olivia and Natalia to lean forward and help her out with the task of blowing out nineteen candles (or more as Emma kept adding some when they were lighting the candles).

And this picture?



I still deem it the closest they’ve been to kissing with a pucker-type motion going on. Not acceptable Guiding Light, even with all the hand sex going on; smoochies are necessary.

~~~

The only thing I would like to point out in the opening credits is Dinah in a hat. If you were not excited about that, then you sadly do not understand the power of hats. Or me.

~~~

Emma is shuttled off with the largest piece of cake in the known universe and Caprica to go watch some television.



I believe that Crystal Chappell also thought the piece of cake was ridiculous as she whisper-spoke it at the same time as me. Every time I can believe that she adlibs; I believe it. So catch me and my giggling here. Heeh.

Natalia asks if Olivia would like any cake. After a vehement no because Olivia like me, understands the importance of sugar in everything that can have it, Natalia starts in on a story about traditions and how she really hoped that gumdrops and rainbows would have happened with Rafe today.

I don’t think so, but they are talking about making Candyland into a movie. Weird huh?

Natalia says that “The day he [Rafe] was born was the best day of my life.” Now, I’m all for loving your kid, but really? Color me embittered against children. I’ll never know what it means because I’ll never have a kid. Darn. Missed out on that unending labor, pain, and subsequent yelling of ‘I hate you!’ when they’re a teenager.

When Natalia weeps a bit that Rafe doesn’t want to be in the same house as her Olivia points out that it’s not Natalia he doesn’t want to be around. It’s her.

Natalia correctly surmises that it’s actually that he doesn’t want to be around them as a couple. Worried about losing her son Olivia lets her know that if the relationship costs Natalia her son they won’t work. That’s totally right it’s just like when you’re in a relationship with someone and they tell you that it’s your obsession with Mahjong or them and you think really hard about what means more to you. Ultimately you miss them sometimes when you’re having a really bad time at Mahjong.

All that serious talk makes even Olivia bolt as she realizes that she needs to take her child that… can you get hopped up on sugar-free cake? Like you’re all full of carbs and… full? Anyway, Olivia runs off as Natalia mentions that she does have a job interview she needs to get to. I hate interviews, unless they ask me three words to describe myself. High-energy, efficient, and quirky; they always love that last one and forget the first two.

~~~

Josh arrives at Company miffed and Daisy, now my favorite person in the world, hands him a cupcake. She is a cupcake’tender.



I want that. Daisy has never looked as attractive as she does right now to me, now if she had been forking over a piece of blackberry pie. I probably would have proposed.

We come back to New Bosnia and see that they have uprooted Lara’s placemarker, but Dinah is still going on about the recap. I mean I know how long winded I am with recaps, but she’s not even making jokes.

Although a big round of applause and congratulations to Gina for using the full range of acting arsenal weapons for not making this sound like a stagnant recap on a blog. Hmm.


~~~

Meanwhile Shayne is taking a nap on his pretty flowery duvet dreaming of Lara. A pregnant Lara and even though I know this is a dream it is freaking me out. I think it’s the light clanging noise masquerading as music. It reminds me of Sylar’s theme on Heroes.

Shayne starts talking about Henry and goes into a story about his secret smile. The childish play on Jeff’s face is adorable and it makes Henry look “like a wise little Buddha"



In the above photo Shayne illustrates that you have to have green eyes or dimples to work on Guiding Light.

~~~

There is random Blake popping in to visit with Reva (i.e. check in on the crazy) which makes me happy beyond compare. She just brings such a different aspect to characters that we don’t get to see often.

Thanks Blakey.

~~~

Daisy playing with her iPhone and halfway listening to Frank, as anyone would with their pretty iPhone being in front of them… I bet she’s playing Mahjong.

Natalia enters and immediately corners Frank to talk about the only thing they have in common, Rafe. The Coopers have Rafe all tied up in a bow of events and distractions from his horrible, terrible, no good, very bad day.

I’m distracted with the cupcake tray and Henry’s awesome fauxhawk.



Josh and Shayne have an adorable scene talking about Reva and how it’s better to be Jeffery and not have to deal with the fury and scorn of the banshee. Shayne does make the argument that it’s better to be ticked off than to be sitting in a jail cell. I think it depends on your singing voice.

~~~

Blake makes tea for Reva. She then has another amazing monologue about touching on Russ that again makes me feel like I really missed such a great love story.

Don’t tell me if I’m wrong. Is it wrong that I just want Blake to take care of me? She’s my kind of crazy.

~~~

As they place Lara’s marker elsewhere Dinah asks Jeffery what they are going to do now. Jeffery nonchalantly answers that now they are going to use Dinah to lure Edmund out of hiding. Feeling that her monologue is behind her Dinah works on her collar to try an retrieve some air as they probably put a lot of starch into that lovely uniform.

~~~

Natalia bellies up to the bar at Towers, or as much as she can, and orders a shot of vodka with so much conviction that I would want to card her; if I wasn’t blinded by dimples, of course.

In the background I see my hopes and dreams for this scene skyrocket as I see one Blake Marler pause, turn around, and state “well that sounds yummy.” Yay! Insta-scene just add Blake!

Natalia starts in on her down in the dumps story while Blake leans in for spill time. She hears about how it’s Rafe’s birthday and he doesn’t want to spend it with Natalia. Then she had a job interview, which she thought would go well and it did not. Just to let you know this about me. Sometimes when people opt to use the two words and not the conjunction I either think it’s endearing or annoying. Thankfully Natalia landed on endearing today.

Blake inquires about Natalia’s lack of job-ness and understands that working for Olivia would be a little hard. Quick to disagree Natalia pooh-poohs the idea that Olivia is a tyrant, because she is lovely. Yeah she’s lovely in about everything Natalia, we agree.

Towers said that Natalia was overqualified for a management position. I could agree with this if I didn’t know that overqualified people are applying for jobs all over the ole U.S. of A. Yes, I think that the payroll and management experience of overseeing Banquets, Housekeeping, Food and Beverage, and Front Desk/Hospitality is challenging, but usually that requires a Hotel and Restaurant Management degree. Not, that… I have had experience in the hotel industry.

Blake saves me from my over-thinking and tells Natalia it depends on who you work for.



Oh, Blake what an opportunist are you? Love. You.


Blake says she’d be willing to give Natalia a shot, motions to that shot of vodka/evian, and declares shot again. I really wish they could have said shot about three more times just for kicks and giggles.

~~~

Shayne asks if she should go check in on Reva. Josh tells him that he sent Daisy out to the wolves, but if he does go to wear a cup. If I ever accidentally have children I hope that is how they regard visiting me. It would warm my heart.

Josh is very thankful that Shayne is chatting him up, but he doesn’t want him to give up parts of his life. Shayne that smart guy knows his life is Dinah, as it should be, and says that she’s out of town so he’s not giving up anything.

He has time. He’s got too much time. When Josh inquires if he is bored Shayne merely says no, but he did have time for a nap.

Then Josh just goes on and becomes more lovable and says that he takes a nap on a regular basis. That’s my dream; I want nap time and graham cracker treat time back.

Shayne says he had a dream about Lara and their baby. This is when we cue the cutest baby in the world gurgling as Marina asks if the Lewis boys need anything. You need pie. Ask for pie. When they say she’s making Henry work too young she cracks a joke about teaching ‘em young. You’re gonna break that child labor law quickly aren’t you dear?

~~~

We’re taken back to New Bosnia and Dinah is talking. But all I can focus on it the weirdest stance from Jeffery in the background. It’s like he’s straddling a manhole or something.

He’s texting Reva. Dinah’s upset about the double standard. We’ve all been upset about that for ages Dinah.

Jeffery tosses the phone at her after he finishes the longest text ever and tells her one call, today only.

Whoopdeedoodle do.

~~~

We’re taken to a park not unlike the park of all scenes by a gazebo not unlike the gazebo of all outdoor scenes.

Emma talks about how this is the funnest. I think about how sometimes children’s superlatives are cooler than the real ones. Worried about her low familial count Olivia assures her that families come in all shapes and sizes, which Emma should have learned already if she paid attention in class during everyone else’s presentations in February.

But just when the kid might mope in comes Natalia with a bag and flowers for the hide the baby game!

Olivia hops up to her feet and we see her cuffed jeans and sneakers and I pretend that my cuffed jeans are actually instyle instead of inlazy.



A back shot and we see a brilliantly blocked flower/bush/hedge in the baby way. Well-done production staff. When asked about her interview a srunchy face shows that it didn’t go so well, but she did get a job offer from Blake.

Cue some of the most fun ways to say Blake’s name issuing forth from Olivia. Noting that Blake is a tough person to work for Natalia only ho-hems. “Think so? She said the same thing about you.” And what a self-satisfied laugh comes after that just when I thought you couldn’t get cuter Jessica Leccia.

They both revel in the joy of Emma and patter who is responsible for it lightly until Olivia says that she isn’t one who sees the joy in everything she does. She’s the one who is waiting for the other brick to fly at her and hit her in the head. Natalia then woos me some more by being what I have been told is ‘immature’ and suddenly throws her hands in Olivia’s face while yelling.



Some people get angry with me for this, but I merely react like Natalia and fall into fits of giggles. It’s just… so irresistible.



Olivia asks her why in the world she did that when she was talking seriously about the human condition and Natalia sighs relief that she doesn’t know why, but it was the first time she’d laughed all day.

I seriously doubt that if she had more than one shot with Blake, but I’ll give it to her.

Olivia lowers her voice to the register of smokiness and wants to make sure it’s not the last time, either.

~~~

Shanye and Dinah phone call share a phone call as he retreats to the outside of Company. Dinah says all that is going on is boring speeches while she walks around wearing a big ole nametag thinking about Shayne. She has aptly described most of the conference/conventions I’ve ever gone to.

Having a one-track mind Shayne gives an appreciation that she is only walking around in a nametag. When Dinah ignores this adorableness and asks how he is it’s Shayne’s time to recap, that’s three different characters doing recaps and I didn’t even include Reva!

When Dinah seems a bit worried he throws her concern to that she needs to come home soon or he could come to her; after all he does love cheddar. He lets Dinah know that she’s the one that he wants to be dreaming about. Dinah tells him to hang onto that thought until she gets back.

~~~

The scene starts with Olivia walking towards Natalia and I hear, “hey sweetie.” I hold my breath until I realize she’s talking to Rafe’s voicemail. What a buzzkill.

With more lamenting about how she doesn’t know how to make it right Olivia surmises well that he was a kid, but he’s a man now and he’s going to have to figure out a way to make himself happy.

Natalia says this is the first time that making things okay for Rafe isn’t making things okay for her. (I’m want to call shenanigans on that… but fine Ms. Rivera). Looking into the deep loving eyes of Olivia Natalia asks another what if question and this time Olivia gets to answer with an I don’t know.

~~~

Josh is playing with baby Henry instead of taking a nap with me and becoming more adorable than I knew him to be as he’s smiling and laughing. He says that Henry’s got a strong arm and will be a good pitcher.

Shayne pries his father off of the addictive baby and says that Dinah seemed freaked out when she left and he’s worried. You know because Wisconsin is scary, what with all those dairy farms and mustard museums.

Giving his son platitudes that must have become second nature as a preacher Josh asks him to have a little faith in her as Dinah loves him and she’ll be back.

~~~

Dinah finally tears herself away from the cemetery and Jeffery tells her it’s time they spread the word about Lara’s not-so-untimely demise out amongst the interwebs and the like.

Whining like an actor that just had to do 15 pages worth of pointless exposition Dinah asks if it has to be so soon. When Jeffery asks if she has plans the writers decide to throw us a bone as Dinah says that she’d like to do some clubbing. And then throws a mini-temper tantrum that of course she doesn’t have plans she’s in the middle of Bosnia.

They both remark on the jobs they’ve pulled together before, but how it’s not as easy since they have more on the line than their own fancy uniforms.

We’re interrupted by the Sylar chimes and I am happy that we’re out of the graveyard.

~~~

We come back to the gazebo to see some Smothering is happening. Seriously? Another message, Natalia? I mean it’s annoying that he didn’t call you back, but leaving more messages is just going to make him want to avoid you more.

Olivia tries to calm down Natalia letting her know that she doesn’t mind waiting. I think you have a purchase that is to the contrary of that Miss Spencer, even if you threw it into the trash. Natalia shocks the world by saying that she is tired of waiting, that rumble that you heard was the murmured agreement of many an Otalia fan.

Olivia leans in with the ease of a panther sizing up it’s prey and settles in for the babblefest about how ridiculous acclimating an entire world to them being a couple actually is, agreed.

Just as we all lean into our television sets Emma interrupts asking what I’m asking, ‘what are they waiting for?’

Having some issues with the volume of her voice Olivia says nothing; they’re not waiting for anything.



Except for the screen to fade to black. Really?! It almost felt like a slap in the face, only less upfront about it. Tsk, tsk Guiding Light just let the ladies have a smooch already or I’ll have to watch more Los Hombres de Paco.

Final Mustache Rating 4 out of 5 for: 1. Dinah in uniform 2. Random Blake 3. Cupcake ‘tending 4. Brick in face



You know… no because of that last scene I’m taking away a deserved mustache.



That’ll teach you to do that… yeah.

Ceasing Ramble.